How to Tell if You're a Grinch
- You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out
under your own name.
- You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display
to replenish your own supply.
(5 points, 10 if neighbor's
whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out).
- You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper,
(10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered
species, 5 extra points).
- You put out last year's stale candy canes for children.
(1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a
chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.
- You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target,
Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box
to impress your friends.
(5 points for each infraction).
- You make collect long distance phone calls to your family
on Christmas day.
(5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming
you are stuck in a phone booth.
- At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles
of goodies for later consumption at home.
(5 points; 15 points
if you use this stuff for your own party).
- You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own.
(Southern California only, others ignore: 5 points).
- After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a
commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home
(5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last
- Any stealing from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a
Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100.
Reprinted from Joke of the Day email newsletter. Joke of the Day credits Bill Stebbins as the author/submitter.
20-30: You are just a cheeseball.
30-50: You are an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted by the police for overdue parking tickets.
50-100: Grinch, move over. The Meyer Lansky of Christmas
crime has arrived.
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This page was created
December 12, 1998.