Re: Christmas jokes -- Jim
A long time ago, in Communist Russia, there was a famous
weather man named Rudolf.
He's always had a 100% accuracy rate for his forecasts of the
Russian weather conditions. His people loved him and
respected him for his faultless foresight. He was particularly
good at predicting rain. One night, despite clear skies, he
made the prediction on the 6:00pm news broadcast that a
violent storm was approaching. It would flood the town in
which he and his wife lived. He warned the people to take
proper precautions and prepare for the worst.
After he arrived home later that evening, his wife met
him at the door and started arguing with him that his weather
prediction was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.
This time, she said, he had made a terrible mistake. There
wasn't a cloud anywhere within 10 miles of the village. As a
matter of fact, that day had been the most beautiful day that
the town had ever had and it was quite obvious to everyone
that it simply wasn't going to rain.
He told her she was to be quiet and listen to him. If he
said it was going to rain, IT WAS GOING TO RAIN. He had all
of his Russian heritage behind him and he knew what he was
talking about. She argued that although he came from a proud
heritage, IT STILL WASN'T GOING TO RAIN.
They argued back and forth for hours , so much that they
went to bed mad at each other.
During the night, sure enough one of the worst rainstorms
hit the village the likes of which they had never seen. That
morning when Rudolf and his wife arose, they looked out the
window and saw all the water that had fallen that night.
"See," said Rudolf, "I told you it was going to rain." His
wife admitted: "Once again your prediction came true. But I
want to know, just how were you so accurate, Rudolf?" To
which he replied, "You see, Rudolf the Red knows rain dear!"
Chet the singing bird
Re: Christmas jokes -- Jim
Searching for the perfect gift for his dear wife who loved
animals and birds in particular, a man dropped in to the local
pet shop to see if he could come up with an idea. The pet
store manager told the man, "I have just the thing you're
looking for, a bird named Chet". Impressed with the look of
the bird as the manager pointed out "Chet" on the near by
perch, the man was even more intrigued when the manager
pointed out that "Chet" could sing Christmas Carols.
Approaching the bird "Chet", the manager took out his lighter
and said "Yes, just listen." As the manager lit his lighter
and moved it gently below Chets right foot the bird
immediately broke into "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all
...." but then, when the manager moved the lighter below
Chet's left foot, the bird switched to "I'm Dreaming of a
White Christmas, just like the one's...". Astonishment was the
only way to describe the husband's reaction and he said, "I'll
buy him, what a perfect gift for my dear wife."
Racing home with Chet, the man knew he couldn't keep this
wonderful gift from his wife until Christmas day. He presented
Chet to her immediately and remarked, "Not only is he a pretty
bird, but he sings too, Dearest." His wife was totally
overwhelmed as her husband demonstrated Chet's skill at
singing Jingle Bells and White Christmas moving his lighter
back and forth between Chet's right and left foot. "What
happens if you put the lighter under both his feet at the
same time?" asked the man's wife. "I don't know sweet, lets
try it and see."
As the man move his lighter under both of the birds feet, the
bird began to sing: "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."